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I am so unbelievably frustrated at the moment I hate this feeling of well I don't really know how to describe it really.

I've applied for few jobs and to be honest not sure id like to do any of them. I've hovered over the book now on several trips I've looked at and not pressed the button and I've required about a couple of flat shares.

I am so hard on myself and my own worst enemy and critic.

I asked to loose the junior part of my title and I hate the fact it's still there after 2 years. I don't even particularly want to do this job and I think a part of it is because I am about to start the biggest job I have ever looked after and I am genuinely shitting myself.

Nicky have me the project and I am ready for it. I only really have that going on over the next month or so. I just need to not worry about it and approach it in another way.

I need to work out how to understand it and enjoy learning from it because it will all be over on the 30th September and I can look back an be proud of myself.

That's all I need to do and the rest will fall into place. It's going to be okay and I will make it through so I just need to stop thinking the worst.

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