Last week is a classic example of why I love my job. Don't get me wrong I have had the worst week at work imaginable but when you work with nice people who you have a laugh with and you can bitch an moan about things with you realise that certian things you have had to do in this horrible week is very rewarding and you realise that the people who matter are great and the ones who don't well I'm not doing it for them.

The worse day at work was when I recieved a phone call at 4pm on Wednesday to say that if we didn't invoice £50k in the next half an hour, we wouldn't get paid. That was on my head....

Now I know as well as the best of us that it doesn't work like that and if it was that bad we would of found out alot quicker than that. However I rose to the challenge and I got £58'678.50 for them on top of the £46'567 that I got that morning. Simon (our md) came to see me on friday and thanked me for doing this an was unaware this had happened and that we would informed me that month should not be closing until he and I was happy. He asked me about figures in a certian project and I told him what I was doing. He was impressed that I was already on it and told me to carry on and if anyone in accounts gave me any problems then they can talk to him. I felt better after this as it ment I finally felt like I had back up.

Anyway as soon as 6pm came around I went to the pub as it was Jim, Scott and Simons last day. We are loosing 3 heads of departments all of whom are amazing at what they do , but unfortunatley the way prime focus works now they feel like they can't do what they were doing.

Jim is head of our sound and studio department and he is my fave person at work and I will miss him. He took my number and told me he was fond of me and that he would be starting his own company 18months I'd so after and will find out what I'm doing.

I also spent most of Friday evening doing impressions of Gabon and stacey with michael and giggling like children... I spent a while talking to the sound boys and Spoke to Rada who is now my crush at work hehe. He is funny and pretty so am gonna do my best to talk to jim again in the not to distant future.

Anyway it is now Sunday evening and I am On a night bus drunk with only andy Richards to blame ... I spent my evening with music people and it makes me long to work in the industry ad part of me really Hates that I don't... I met kevin from big scary monsters this evening and he is single handly the person I have the most relext for in this industry next to the banquet rexords guys followed closely by paul and andy.

Kevin Devon was special... Month end Is tomorrow. Brand new are amazing!!! That is all....

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Alot seems to be happening at the moment and I guess you just need to keep things in prespective and just keep things in the moment. The one thing I will never understand about myself is the ability that I have to juggle loads but to want to keep some stuff simple whereas other stuff I am dying to figure out.

I am really trying to figure out what I want to do with my life at the moment. I miss the technical side and love swotting up on new ways of filming and things that are going to change the very way we know film and tv.

I got back into tv as a fluke and am greatful for every second of it... I hvae no idea where I see myself sure I have aspirations and would be silly to take anything for granted but at the sametime I want be taken seriously. I'm not an idiot I walked into what was blue and knew I would have to make my mark and I wanted to work really hard at trying to shape a career for myself.

My review comes up in roughly 3 weeks and. I am going to be asked about what it is that see myself doing at prime focus... I have alot I want to say and in my heart I know I'm gonna be there for a while and ideally I would like to work there for at least a year and see where I am then.

This time last year I was in lanzarote having a holiday that changed my life, I put alot of trust in others in the last 18 or so months and have come so far and am proud of myself and I know that trust and determination will mean I can write a completly new adventure.

A few people often say to me that I am the type of person who if they want something they will do ebeything to get it... I think this is true. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and turn up... The rest is. Unknown but I can find comfort in that at least.

We all derserve to be happy and challenged in what we do. It keeps us alive and human :)

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Okay second date with Dan went well we are gonna go out again next week :) so that's good. I need to get used to the fact that someone likes me and go with it. I just need to take things slowly and see what happens. As soon as I think a few weeks down the line I get a little freaked out but right now I hope that I will get to see him in a few weeks having gone out a few times in between.

I don't know what will happen nore do I know for how long but am looking forward to finding out. I would like to say that I like how am am gonna need to keep looking at this post because I know how shit I am and am gonna want to run like a crazy person but I hope I don't because that would be a shame.

In other news Toy story in 3d is amazing and that film is hilarious! :-)

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As of 6.30pm tomorrow evening I will no longer work for Blue. I will be working for Prime Focus World... Apparently we are the joke and talk of the industry right now and this makes me a little sad.

The only way to explain it to an outside would be to say imagine mcdonalds taking over gbk. At least gbk know how to make a burger even if they don't do it right everytime. Mc donalds just turn out the same old stuff over and over again.

Alot of people seem disgruntled by this clients and employees I mean who wants a box of photos and an elephant sent in a black velvet box. What the he'll does that have to do with us????

Tomorrow night could be interesting, we have speaches from 6.30 with a famous Hollywood dancetroup and then a free bar somewhere else....

This is going to be very hard for people not to take the piss and I like my job so the fact this company is changing doesn't mean it has to be. A bad thing. However if certain people go. I will too!!!

Make.believe.
Shake. Revieve.
Peanuts.

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I am going to edit the last entry into nglish when tomorrow morning :) stupid cider and andy = harrriet being hungover for tomorrows activities :(

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I really know where to start.. I guess at the beginning?

So I'm having what is probably the most stressful day at work so far and I recurve a text from Sam vs hero saying I an on their guestlist and andy is on not advised guestlist for tonights show at
The ubderwrold first off I thought this show was in October but no turns out it is intact this eveing. So I am excited about seeing all three of these bands for very different reasons...

Me vs hero because it's them and since signing with mark nigiri and people atrting to play attention I am interiued at home they deal with it.. They felt with it very well. A little sketchy at times but on the whole a great performance, I felt as though the crois may have checked out their myspace before the show and they played to many new songs, they may be getting bored bit these people are fairly new to the band.

Not advised... Not only did jim and jack remember me from the small show in copsalw bit they wanted to know andy and my opinion this still baffles me but it's flattering none less. I am convince that if this band dot get signed that I will personally go up to these recod label a& r people and ask them what the duck they are looking at. Not adviseds performance is one of the rightist performances I have ever seen a uk band powsivkw any band do. If this band don't get the attenion they deserve soon then I don't know what is going on?

Both of theses bands did themselves proud and work so hard and if I was wearing. Hat I wouldtake it off to them. Sorry to get setimwntal birvi k ow alex was a fan of not advised and obbioisluvloves me vs hero but he would of been very proud this evening...

You me at six also deserve a mention.. ubderworldis one of those Venues that bands get lost in. It's either to big or to small an yibifhts croud although young provide the exact love and affection this band deservei have never said a bad thing about this band with out them the two bands mentioned previous to them would not stand a chance. They grace the stage with the same approach as every time I have ever seen them. Tight clever and josh is a very strong front man. They aren't the best band but without the a these bands that are getting picked up by the likes of mark nigiri who was standing behind andy and myself as me vs hero were performin I don't think I have ever felt so nervous in my life as ibeatch the croud of 14 year old girls and the possi hardcore kids move and Jump around. This us the first time I have seen then since alex died and nothing I mentioned it iylsint until layer when I am taking to booth and olly that realise that as a band they have decided not to mention him tonight as they all know be is there watching and us smiling as my. As the others that were fortunate enough to meet him. Ross speaks to a
Nfg and myself aboutbjoning the band and agrees that alex was trulry amazing and gifted member if the band who's influence is still very much there, the boys still pause at the most iconic moment of their songs a line that is sung by alex himself....

" we both know youvbetter what your fucking mouth"

Please please I you font kbwo who not advised or me vs hero are he'll if you don't know a you me at six song from your elbow please go and check out all three of these bands before they get huge and it's to late. I promise they won't disappoint and they are true to their sound live and are all nice guys!!!

If you listen to them j would love to know your thoughts...

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Yesterday I had a meeting with Sue Who is the head of production and she asked where I see myself going at blue, I was put on the spot right there... What the hell do you say? So I say that i'd like to go into production but think that I would probably have to go into bookings or a technical route before as I don't think I have enough experience in the technical side of things.

Sue explained that the production team like working with me as I will always sort things out and don't get flustered by people anyway they are loosing a few members of staff so they need someone helping jackie and Dom who are assistants aswell as continuing to do the billing.

So from today I will be starting to take on more production based work so doing extra billing stuff but sue is coming up with a training schedule so I will be shadowing people and having to work late(once or twice a week) *goodbye social life* and then observe in afternoons when im less busy and iin October/nov I get my review and I find out what they are doing with me. But I am staying at blue but may be moved to sit with production instead of bookings.

This is a great opportunity I'll have regular contact with all departments and production managers on all projects and working closely with the clients which is a fantastic opportunity and keeps me in a good progression for any future work at blue and elsewhere :)

Maybe someone knew I was getting bored and frustraited with the way things have sen going...

Did I tell you I hate the accounts department?

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Hello to my first work rant whilst working for blue...

A week or so ago I descover that despatch haven't been keeping an acurate record of the post that they have been sending out in a job, so I clear it up and work it all out and find out they knew they had screwed up and told me that they were glad that I was able to sort it out and I said that they should of come to see me instead if trying to cover it up.

All is fine and dandy until I get a phonecall asking why a harddrive is still at blue and not with the client and and because I only knew of one postage coat for that day I didn't think to look into it, so basically people. Have fucked up and the pfl producers are going nuts at me as it hasn't been added and it's a week until month end so they have to now go back to the client and add extra costs which they ate currently saying they won't do. Despatch are saying they didn't know what costs they are ment to add (which is a load of bullshit) as they hbe it logged as a movement with no job no. Which I sorted last week, but nooo Rob is away so Kim are covering and her and Eddie push the blame on me and now if it pfl turn around and refuse to go back to the client then it will come down on me :-( and it's not my fault.

I am sooo not impressed because I went out of my way to sort it out so everyone stayed out of trouble and they just screw me over and don't even apologise or admit they have done anything wrong, eddie just sit and cracks jokes and well we don't even start on the other one because it's not worth it! It's like blind leading the blind...

I need a bubble bath and to calm down *grumble*

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I feel like there is alot happening in my life at the moment. Some of which I have control of and others I don't. It's funny though because of all the stuff I don't have control over I thought I'd be alot more worked up over, it's probably alot to do with the fact that it means far to much to me that I have no choice but to accept the changes and somedays this will be easier than others!

This week is pretty important, on Thursday we are going to burry my grand ashes with my granpas and on friday we are going to where my dads ashes are scattered. I haven't been to Devon since mum scattered them but I have thiss strange sense of longing to go and just walk to the top of golden cap and sit there for a while and just look at the amazing view that it has to offer!

I feel like I have alot of decisions to make at the moment and some of them are exciting, there are new jobs coming up at PFL and I've been told that I could pretty much just walk into it, there are many pros and cons of this and I need to figure this out, it will make a huge impact to my career and that's before you even add any issues of working for the same company as Alex because in 6 weeks time I am going to be doing this anyway.

I am going to spend the next few days figuring out a few things and decide on the best way to move forward. I am also going to talk to Rob about it as he works in HR and can tell me if my way of thinking is right!

Speaking of Rob we have been talkin about my unhealthly relationship I have with southampton, I forget how much time I used to spend with Rob and how much he actually knows about me and my complicated ways, his words not mine. Considering I was so glad when I didn't go last weekend I am apparently going to go with Rob in a few week to see his brothers band and then out after!!! I am still dead against idea.

So yeah alot to think about new beginnings and well the past is just that and if we aren't ment to stay being friends then we won't!

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It's amazing what 24hours can do to your hormones. Today I am laughing at the monster and I feel like I can breathe again.

O miss colson you are a funny bunny can go back to being a rabbit now! Whoop!!!

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I can't with with my mother...

If I go out I get told that I go out to much and am having to many late nights. So I stop going out all the time and you turn around and tell me that I should go out. I don't understand am I missing something.

Also feeling sick or not no need to throw your food across the
kitchen like a spolit bratt. I Want out!!!

Grrrr!!!! I'm going to bed because then it will be Thursday and one day closer to the weekend.

On another note thanks for it apology I still don't think I should speak to u for a few days.

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I hate being a girl, the monster that takes over your head and makes you incapable of sitting still, not taking things personally and you are just have to go into hiding. You should probably just not commicate with the outside world and hope that no one notices even though that's half your problem.

Itshould be over tomorrow and I should feel human again and instead of holding my breathe and forget that this isn't normal but it isnt wrong. It will be okay by Friday but I wish that little monster that's in side my head would shut up! I'd pretty much just like to scream out of frustraition more than anything.

I'm so annoyed at myself it's unreal so hopefully that will go because I know I have no need to be. My mum told me that I looked sad on Monday evening, I guess that's another way of looking at it and i guess I am dealing with being on my period and having a head full of glue the best way I can.

Hang on though I'm not going far so I hope we meet in the middle again soon.

One must remember the phrase... It's it's not broken don't try and fix it!

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Is currently twitter flirting thanks to brand new and the get up kids.

I love how I seem to learn nothing. I get @ saying you are my perfect girl and I'm like nah!!! Am totally gonna stay up flirting ;-) be good to firt with someone else.

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I am most sefinatkey spending the evening in the zone because if I don't I may go pop.

My mother just asked me what time I got home last night, I told her and she them tells me I am going out alot. This annous me.

Anything else I have to say would simply be repeatig myself.

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I am having the most random week and weekend but it has been pretty good. I've had roughly 8 hours sleep since Thursday and I really really need a shower and I still feel hungover from Friday.

I promise I will update properly soon, but all I will say is brand new were amazing and I love them muchly.

I will leave you with this....

Nothing that you do is new to anyone or anything but you....

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It's 2.05am had a really fun night!!!

Sic transit Gloria glory fades vs shower scene

And that is all I have to say about that!

I have to be at mums workshop at 8.15 can we all laugh at me and point the finger at me in a few hours.

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Tonights plan is for my uterous to try and kill me whilst listening to brand new and lying on a hot water bottle that I am yet to go and make...

Sometimes I hate being a girl. Worst part Is I'm late and therefore I can't see the end of the pain as I am still in ore period paid :-( it hasn't been this bad since November :- x

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Over the last week or two I have been running around like a crazy person ( okay maybe longer than that) but when I think about how much happier I was when I was in therpy or going to the gym, it's no wonder I find myself in a tizz and my head goes to that place and I just need that time to do something completley for me and I am to tired when I come in from work to currently commit to paying for the gym and well I know this sounds snobish but it's the park club or nothing I'm afraid, I get therpy aswell so makes sense.

Instead of having to comit to that I am going to be doing a 5 week yoga program and see how I find it and the class and then decide on what I want to do . I also need to try and comit to more me time just because I become far to resentful when I get accused for being to available or not available enough, because believe it or not the two come hand in hand and I am in much need of sorting my own head out before I can start in anything else so I won't be available on any tuesday evening in the near future!

I have a hell of alot to be happy about at the moment and yet I'm finding it increasingly hard to do this because of the presure I put on myself and I think the above is the only real way to soulve this so please don't coment this entry telling me I'm wonderful or anything of the sort I know this already and it really isn't one of those posts, nore is it aimed at anyone.

So in short I am thinking outside the box...

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Today has been spent hanging out with Alex and Dave was in a much better mood and even though I was the bane of their jokes I had fun walking around Notting Hill And just chilling out and having a laugh.

I didn't spend any money and am now home and considering a nap before robin hood comes on.

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